There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves torment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. I John 4:18
Since moving to South Africa, I have seen God begin to work within me to conquer my many deep seated fears. It began back in the U.S. with overcoming fear and learning to trust my husband to lead our family. It continued on with facing my fear of vaccinating my children so we could come to this country full of those diseases that we so thankfully eradicated in the U.S. I learned to look only to God for His approval, instead of seeking it from those around me. The fear of the unknown has always been the biggest terror for me. God helped me to begin to conquer this in the birth of my first child. Pregnancy and childbirth is such a faith building event in your life. For me, it was the first time that I was keenly aware of my absolute vulnerability. So much was out of my control, such an opportunity to learn to trust God.
But instead, I registered at Babies R Us, bought every baby accessory imaginable so that I would be prepared for any circumstance that might arise. I read countless books, sought advice from veteran moms, and spent hours trying to make the perfect decision on each minute detail of each day. With every way that I tried to educate myself, improve myself, train myself, I was sure that this would result in the things in my world becoming more within my control. I overestimated the ability of my influence and underestimated the power of my God!
I was praying to God, telling Him what I had learned and discovered, asking for His help. But I had never learned to listen to God. I thought I was listening to Him in his word, the Bible, but really, it was another self help manual where I was seeking the answers to pre-conceived ideas I thought should be there. I needed a paradigm shift badly, but didn't even know it.
It's funny how many times in scripture we see that God takes people out of their established routines, comfort zones and sometimes the places where they live to learn to follow Him. Abraham had to leave his country, his people and his father's household to go to the future that God had planned for him. Was there anything wrong with his country, his people, or his father's household? Probably not. But maybe Abraham could not open the eyes of his heart doing what he had always done. Maybe he would not have been able to trust and depend on God if he was not in a completely strange land, as a sojourner and wanderer. Could he have learned those same lessons right where he was? It's very possible, but it probably would have taken a much longer amount of time.
God allowed Joseph to suffer a terrible betrayal and took him away to Egypt to endure a fearful imprisonment to develop him into the leader that would save the line of Abraham. God sent Moses to Midian to build him into a different man. God took the children of Israel out of Egypt to lead them to their deliverance. Jonah was sent to an enemy nation to have his perspective redefined. God brought Esther into the life of a royal queen to bless His people. Job had everything he loved taken from him to learn an important lesson from God. Jesus called his disciples and they left all to learn of his ways. Is this the only way to learn to trust God? Not at all, but I think it does exponentially speed up the process.
As I head into this new year, I think about the areas in my life that I still do not give over to God. I know that it is a process, and that faith sometimes builds quickly when we deal with monumental issues, and other times it builds slowly and quietly as we continue to seek God in our day to day lives. And so I go back to the verse above that I am contemplating today - As I seek to have a more perfect love for God, my fears are driven out one by one. The torment that plagues me in worry and anxiety is replaced by peace and confidence in my Lord. He gives me a change in perspective, even though everything around me is still the same. This is what I seek for, to see through different eyes, the eyes of our Lord Jesus, and to love those around me as he loves those around him.
So now, when I see the homeless man sleeping outside on the ground, never approaching, never asking, always looking, I will now have the confidence to cast out my fear, share a morsel from my table and the spiritual food from my God.
Deuteronomy 15:11 tells me, "There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land." And like David, the most amazing King of Israel, I, too, now realize, "Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay." Psalm 70: 5
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